I can't be perfect
by Im.losing.hope
Summary: Inspired by Perfect by Simple Plan. Alec just wants his dad to know that he isn't perfect and he cant change who he is. But with hurtful words comes a big price. R&R


_A/n: Hey everyone! This is another angst filled fic. I'm sorry to say! Anyway, you have Simple Plan to blame, because its like 12:15 in the night here, and Im nearly in tears because of the song 'Perfect' by them!_

_Anyway this came to me when I was listening to the song before bed! And it was always a thought that I had in the back of my mind but just didn't have any real big ideas to go with it. But here it is! And I hope you guys like this!_

_Third Person POV:_

He couldn't believe his own dad said all those things to him. The man that was there for him during the years. The man that he called 'dad'. The man that he went to for advice when things got tough.

He couldn't actually believe that he thought the man would support him in this life changing decision. No, he was clearly mistaken about that. So he guessed that this is where they lost all the trust and understanding they once had.

He had come out to his dad earlier that night. It was a terrifying thing. He had been so sure that his dad wouldn't care and would actually support him. But what he got instead was a scary man yelling at him, that wasn't his dad.

No, this new man was a monster who didn't deserve to be called a dad. A dad wouldn't call his own son 'a queer that deserved to be damned for the rest of his life'. He couldn't really help that he felt attracted to the same gender. It just happened.

And all he wanted to do was make his father proud. He wanted to tell his father that he was so sorry for what he was. For whatever he had done in the past as well. But he couldn't bring himself to say it. He wouldn't say sorry to him for what he was. If he couldn't except this, then there would be no apologies.

And now here he was, in his bedroom with the door locked and his head buried in a pillow, crying like a pathetic little girl. He cried for what he was, he cried for his family who stayed silent after he told them, he cried for his boyfriend that would be waiting for him to sneak over to his apartment, but most of all he cried for the man he called dad.

He cried for all the times that his dad said he was disappointed with him. He cried for all the times that his dad just made him feel like he didn't belong in this family, for all the times that his dad made cruel remarks about gays and how it would make him feel even more horrible.

He sat up from his pillow and wiped at his eyes furiously but the tears came back relentlessly. As he tried to calm his breathing he though back on all the times they had together that seemed so far away now. He wished that this hadn't changed anything.

He should have been more prepared for this. He should have known that after he came out, they would lose it all. And that nothing ever lasted forever. But god, how he wished that everything did last forever.

He took a deep shuddering breath and got up from his bed and scanned the room, looking for something to write with. He saw a black marker on his desk and he walked over to it. He picked the marker up and with shaky hands, and took off the cap. He then walked over to the wall and started to write in big letters,

SORRY, I'M NOT PERFECT!

He wrote this on the four walls in his bedroom. When he was done he recapped the marked and flicked it across the room where it landed with a dull _thud._

He tried to slow down his erratic heart as he stormed out of his room and down the stairs. He walked into the living, where all of his family sat, staring at the TV with blank gazes. When he entered the room though, their eyes snapped up to him.

His dad stood up awkwardly and cleared his throat. "Son, can I speak to you for a moment? Privately."

He didn't trust his voice, so he nodded his consent. They walked out of the living room and into the kitchen that was across the hall. When they entered his dad closed the door behind them and turned to face him. There was an awkward silence for a few moments before his dad cleared his throat again.

"Son, I'm sorry I said all of those things to you" His dad said at last.

His anger flared. "Dad! How can you expect me to forgive you when you hurt me? Especially when I needed you the most! Nothing can make this right again. You cant take back those cruel words that hurt me deeply. We lost it all and nothing lasts forever. We cant go back."

His dad looked a little distraught and surprised at his little outburst. He wasn't one to start yelling. But right now it seemed like it was okay to be yelling.

"I know son, but please just let me explain" His dad pleaded.

He glared at his dad. "There's nothing to explain. Because _obviously_ I didn't grow up according to plan. And to think that you used to be my hero."

"Son-"

"_No_. Its just too late, and if you'll excuse me. I'm going to my _boyfriends_ apartment. So don't wait up for me, because I might not come home tonight" He said and stalked out of the kitchen and down the hall.

He stopped only once in the porch to pull on his sweater and shoes. When he was ready to go outside, he didn't hesitate to wrench open the door and take off into the night.

As he walked to his boyfriends apartment, the wind cut harshly at his face. The wind and the tears mixing together just made his face run cold. He was shivering badly, and thought about how he should have worn a more heavier sweater.

He didn't need to ponder that thought any longer because he was soon at the doorstep of his boyfriends apartment. He fished around for the house key that he had given him and pulled it out of his pants pocket. He unlocked the door and ran up the stairs and came to the first door on the first landing. He unlocked that door and rushed inside.

He kicked off his shoes and made his way into the apartment. He noticed that Magnus wasn't in the living room, so he checked in the kitchen and he wasn't in there either.

"Magnus? I'm here!" He called out.

"I'm in my room, babe!" He heard the answering call.

Alec shook his head and walked down the hall and into the room that he shared many times with Magnus. When he entered, Magnus was sitting at the foot of his over sized closet. He looked as if he was looking for something, but couldn't find it.

Magnus looked up from what he was doing, and frowned. A worried look crossed his face as he took in Alec's expression. He got up from the floor with feline grace and closed the distance between them. Magnus' long arms wrapped themselves around Alec's middle. Alec moved his arms around Magnus' neck and hugged him as though that would be the last time he saw him.

"Whats wrong?" Magnus whispered in Alec's ear.

"N-nothing" Was Alec's immediate response.

Magnus pulled away slightly and even though they were still pretty close, Alec missed the closeness they just had. Magnus had a frown on his face again. And the look he was giving Alec said that he didn't believe him one bit.

"Alec, I know you. There's something wrong. I can tell" Magnus insisted.

Alec sighed and looked away. "I told them."

"Told who, what?" Magnus asked, confusion evident in his voice.

"I told my family about _us_, earlier. And they didn't take it so well. Especially my dad" Alec explained.

Magnus pulled Alec into another bone crushing hug. Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus again and let his head rest on Magnus' shoulder. He closed his eyes, but the images of him and his dad fighting appeared so he reopened his eyes.

"I'm sorry, that it didn't go well" Magnus whispered.

"Its okay, I suppose. It just hurt that my dad let me down when I needed his support the most" Alec whispered back.

They stood like that, just wrapped in each others arms for another few minutes. Magnus sighed and let Alec go. But took his hand and led him over to his over sized bed. They laid down onto it next to each other and just stared into each others eyes.

Alec leaned forward and placed a sweet and loving kiss on Magnus' lips. Magnus returned the kiss just as gently. Alec soon pulled away and took a deep breath.

"I hope you don't mind me staying here for the night" He said.

Magnus' eyes widened. "Of course I don't mind! Your my boyfriend, and I love you."

Magnus gasped and covered his mouth after he said the last few words. Sure they were together for about a year now, but they had never said the three little words to each other before.

Alec smiled at Magnus, however. "I love you too."

Magnus sighed in relief and snuggled in closer to him and soon they were both asleep. And Alec knew, just as he was about to fall into a deep slumber, that Magnus would be there for him. No matter what trouble he got into, or for what problems he was facing.

_A/n: Okay, so I hope you guys liked this! It was kind of interesting to write. Although, it almost had me in tears because with writing this and listening to the song.. it just didn't help matters! So anyway, since its almost 1:15 now I'm about to drop so this is where I end this to!_

_Oh and should I make a sequel to this? Perhaps tell, what happens when Alec gets home the next morning? Let me know!  
><em>

_Maybe review?_

_Chantelle oxo_


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